There is a stack of cardboard boxes in the hallway. To you, they are just logistics—tasks to be managed, tape to be applied, a checklist to be completed.
But to your child, that stack of boxes isn’t just cardboard. It is the dismantling of their known universe.
Change—whether it is a move, a divorce, or just a new school year—is rarely just a logistical shift for a child. It is an identity shift. When the ground beneath them shakes, they look to one specific place for stability: You.
If you are currently navigating a season of transition, you don’t need a textbook strategy. You need a new way of seeing the situation.
The Invisible Backpack
Every child carries an invisible backpack. During transitions, that pack gets heavy with questions they don’t know how to ask. Will I make friends? Will my teacher be nice? Am I safe?
You cannot carry the pack for them, but you can help unpack it. This is where Open Communication comes in. But don’t just ask, “How are you?” (They will just say “fine”). Instead, try:
“I’m feeling a little nervous about the new house. I’m going to miss our old porch. Is there anything you think you’ll miss?”
When you go first, you give them permission to be vulnerable.
The Anchor Points
When everything is new, the brain craves the old. Think of routines not as a schedule, but as Anchors.
The Tuesday night taco ritual.
The secret handshake before school.
The specific song you sing at bedtime.
These aren’t just habits; they are safety signals. Keep them. Even if you are eating those tacos on the floor of an empty house, the ritual tells your child’s nervous system: We are still us.
Be The Lighthouse, Not The Captain
You might feel the pressure to be the Captain—steering the ship, barking orders, fixing every wave. But your child doesn’t need you to fix the ocean; they need you to be the Lighthouse.
Validate, don’t fix: When they say “I hate this,” don’t say “You’ll love it!” Say, “I know. It’s really hard to leave what we know.”
Stand firm: Your consistent presence—your “I am here, and I have got you”—is the light that guides them to the new shore.
Change is messy. There will be tears, and there might be regression. But remember: resilience isn’t built in the easy times. It is built right here, in the middle of the boxes, together.
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